Swindle

I’m slightly worried that a peculiar ague is likely to sweep the nation.

It looks a nasty business.

It’s certainly not on the risk register and unlikely to be part of HMG’s resilience planning.

I’m not sure it has a name. In Greek mythology is has a personification… Gelos… not a god but certainly a deification…

… and there is an identified condition called the Pseudobulbar affect which is altogether more sinister.

Pseudobulbar is a most unfortunate affliction of neurological pathways and has to be approached with all the skills of a psychiatrist.

However, a visitation from Gelos is a different matter. 

An individual might welcome the arrival of the divine personification of… laughter.

A visit from Gelos to make us smile. Cheer us up. Something comical that tickles our fancy.

Dad’s Army, Del Boy… who can resist a chuckle.

If that were my worry, we could let it go but my concern is deeper… anxiety level, maxed-out.

I’m worried that the nation will collapse in convulsions of uncontrollable laughter.

Tears streaming down our faces. Corpsed by comedy. Serious work becomes unsafe.

Seamstresses unable to thread a needle. Butchers, a danger at their chopping blocks. Operations cancelled as surgeons become lethal when uncontrollable guffawing makes their hands unsteady.

Airline pilots, bus-drivers, Deliveroo-workers. Children unsafe at their mother’s knee, as we all collapse in a heap… laughing like a drain.

Side-splitting. Gusset-busting. Howling and hooting. So hilarious you can hear it in outer space.

All industry will grind to a halt as the nation stays at home… bed ridden with hilarity.

The cause of this infection? Wait for it… take a deep breath. 

Steve Barkley is about to embark on a national tour, giving patients ‘virtual reality tours of the promised 40 new hosptials… that haven’t actually been built’.

It is true.

Bully Boy is putting on roadshows across the country to give the public the chance to wear headsets and pretend they’re getting treated in the new facilities.

I am unclear as to whether this will include virtual trolleys in virtual corridors and virtual waiting lists. Time will tell.

The Tories promised in their last election manifesto that they would build 40 new hospitals by 2030.

Since then the DH have redefined ‘new’ and ‘hospital’ in their press and communications ‘playbook’ (page12). 

Sensible, grown up people have somehow ended up working for the ‘new hospital department’… weaving the fantasy into the work-a-day of the grown ups in the NHS doing a proper job.

Full-Fact looked at the promises and programme and shredded it.

The NAO have just demolished it and in their report, disappointingly, do not make enough of the redefinitions that have turned the policy into little more than fraud.

The whole programme was a pack of Johnsonian.

• Never enough money for 40 new hospitals
• Planning applications can take years
• Planning Appeals, even longer
• Off-site highway changes always jam everything up
• There’s a shortage of labour in the building sector
• Capacity in the construction industry, falling output and rising costs are causing problems for contractors and margins. 
• Insolvencies in construction continue to soar
• The really pressing need is to spend over £10bn on outstanding maintenance on the existing NHS estate 
• Trusts must prioritise high-impact repairs…

… in the meantime the maintenance backlog continues to grow. 

The solution? The big brains of the department of health and the combined talents of their communication leads have decided pictures of hospitals are as good as the real thing.

They’re not… any more than pictures of trees are a good idea to show kids living in inner cities.

Showing pictures of things is to mix up progress with reminiscence therapy.

Barclay has invited MPs to ‘drop-in information events’ in Parliament. Confirming the Palace of Westminister is the home of vaudeville.

He wrote:

‘… using virtual reality headsets, videos … you will be able to see the proposed design concepts for new hospitals… and … include a walk-through of the typical patient journey from clinical area to recovery…’

The fact is, this isn’t funny. Not remotely. 

What it cost to create pretend hospitals I don’t know. The price patients and staff pay for a crumbling, neglected estate… we all know.

Pretending to build 40 new hospitals is a deception.

Showing virtual pictures of them is an actual swindle.

News and Comment from Roy Lilley
Contact Roy – please use this e-address roy.lilley@nhsmanagers.net
Reproduced at thetrainingnet.com by kind permission of Roy Lilley.